I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
