imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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