I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
