i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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