I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
