Cold hands, warm shart.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
