My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
