no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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