I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
