saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
