What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
