meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
