Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
