When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
