dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Your dad touched me again.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
