he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
