the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
