Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
