Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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