She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
