just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
