Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
