She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
