who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We named our party play list daddy issues
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
