Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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