so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
