using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
