So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
