Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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