New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
