So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
