His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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