walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
