My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
