well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
