Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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