You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
