She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
