I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
