you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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