My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
