we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
