If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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