so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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