dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
where are my eyebrows?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
