It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
