That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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