So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
