can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
