Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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