I will die if light touches me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
