I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
