shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
