Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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