I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
