fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
