Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
